＂我受够了。不知道为什么自己也会便成这样。以前能快乐和开朗的我也不在了。 ＂
Tired of living. Tired of everything. So suicidal sometimes but all i can actually think of is my brother. Are results that important? Does it really determine who i am? Will i die?
I hate to hide my results from my parents though. But these few days are pure misery. My gpa is like shit. The worst part is that i've really no motivation to do anything. Yea anything.....
I feel so empty and worthless. Lol not to mention hopeless. Can only feel nothing. Can't smile at home. Can't eat properly at home. Can't study at all. All i would do is sleep. maybe Zoloft but i bet it won't help? Maybe idk but i feel like shit. I wanna die. Really want to.
-joke- i've wrote one stupid letter to my parents when i found out that i failed maths. The letter is a suicide note -.- yea judge.
I'm still here lolol and what's inside my mind that day was "let me overdose. I need to overdose" aaand to think of it, i've no pills to overdose on. HA HA
In school it's so much worse. I can't contain everything so I need to hide inside the toilet. Failed science, almost crashed. Yea lah i weak lah ok.
But i never failed a subject i love so much before. Walao who wouldn't wanna cry. And for that recess, I hid in the toilet and made a super deep cut. Wtf. Iue Chi saw. Dunno but it made me feel better but now the thing is... there's nobody to understand me.
Smiling and laughing is totally different now. I can only feel the temporary happiness and when i'm alone, tadah depression creeeeps baaaack like a mofo.
So tired of life. I hate going back to the place. It's like the feeling of emptiness is so indescribable i can just die feeling nothing. 有时觉得自己没用。
Me mum asked me to choose-
1) Take shit
2)Please control
I've asked my friends and they were like 'Control'. Omg so hard but i dont want the side effects too. Life, y u lik dis.
Maybe i should get myself up for maniac.....but how the hell would you do that.
please let me just disappear from the world.
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