人会累的

＂我受够了。不知道为什么自己也会便成这样。以前能快乐和开朗的我也不在了。 ＂

Tired of living. Tired of everything. So suicidal sometimes but all i can actually think of is my brother. Are results that important? Does it really determine who i am? Will i die?
I hate to hide my results from my parents though. But these few days are pure misery. My gpa is like shit. The worst part is that i've really no motivation to do anything. Yea anything.....
I feel so empty and worthless. Lol not to mention hopeless. Can only feel nothing. Can't smile at home. Can't eat properly at home. Can't study at all. All i would do is sleep. maybe Zoloft but i bet it won't help? Maybe idk but i feel like shit. I wanna die. Really want to.
-joke- i've wrote one stupid letter to my parents when i found out that i failed maths. The letter is a suicide note -.- yea judge.
I'm still here lolol and what's inside my mind that day was "let me overdose. I need to overdose" aaand to think of it, i've no pills to overdose on. HA HA

In school it's so much worse. I can't contain everything so I need to hide inside the toilet. Failed science, almost crashed. Yea lah i weak lah ok.
But i never failed a subject i love so much before. Walao who wouldn't wanna cry. And for that recess, I hid in the toilet and made a super deep cut. Wtf. Iue Chi saw. Dunno but it made me feel better but now the thing is... there's nobody to understand me.
Smiling and laughing is totally different now. I can only feel the temporary happiness and when i'm alone, tadah depression creeeeps baaaack like a mofo.
So tired of life. I hate going back to the place. It's like the feeling of emptiness is so indescribable i can just die feeling nothing. 有时觉得自己没用。
Me mum asked me to choose-
1) Take shit
2)Please control

I've asked my friends and they were like 'Control'. Omg so hard but i dont want the side effects too. Life, y u lik dis.
Maybe i should get myself up for maniac.....but how the hell would you do that.
please let me just disappear from the world.

Dear Grandnies

I love you very much, thank you for being there for me throughout my dark times.

Thank you for all the car rides.

Thank you for all the food.

Thank you for all the kind naggings.

Thank you for all the park trips.

Thank you for defending me when I'm in trouble.

Thank you for being too kind to me.

Thank you for teaching me how to preotect myself.

Thank you for giving me money.

Thank you for letting me stay over at your house.

Thank you for being there when I broke my arm.

Thank you for being my grandnies.

Thank you for your love. 

secondly

it feels better when you just talk to somebody. so i'm better.

Tuition today was hell i can't concentrate. Was so tired cuz yesterday night, i was spamming dramas. So much i wanna say so badly urgh.
_________________________________
if you know, when I was 12 i had anorexia and i WAS trying to recover from it until i managed to pull myself out from it last year. ehm... i've gained weight and isn't very happy.
So i went to my relatives' and when they saw me, they went "wow you look -inserts hand sign which indicates that i've gained weight-"
me reaction: .... thanks....??
That sucks, :/
justtt suuucks.

It's not a good feeling. It's like 'wow you managed to get me into shit again' but i don't think i can be angry. (the worst part). She don't know about me so €|€|\*_££.@@:@:@2$-$7;& chiil :)
:/ hm idk what to feel actually.

What's wrong with me today, :/ why so many emoticons.
Aaaaand yesterday was like the best thing ever cuz i managed to go against some temptations AND IT FEEELS SOOO AMMAZZZZIING.

Few days ago
I got an accident with a damn trolly and the protruding metal stick on it scratched me like thrice. on me leg. and the wounds were horrid and Aly thought i did it myself lolol whuuut. I thought so too. They just look so horrid. my mum was worried and bought me to the doc's.

What happened was:
Doctor: anything i can help?
Mum: ya she scratched her leg accidentally, is there any infection?
Doctor: -gave me the what the heck face-
Me: what.
Mum: Yes?
Doctor: No infection.... i guess.
Me: wtf
Mum: You sure?
Doctor: If you're worried i can give you antibiotics.
Me in head: Oh no mummy i hate antibiotics wtf omfg

That's the irrelevant story of irrelevant medicines for small lil wounds. |[- _ -]|

-

Where's iris i need her to feel happy for me. Lolol
wtf k till then.

RE:

got shit after posting the video and honestly, i feel worse than before. omg help please, -me talks to keith-

-Anyway, I've improved on all of the issues of myself except from one small portion
was thinking of how to tell me mum and dad about all these issues..... Really need some shut off
IT'S BETTER TYPING HERE YAY